CafeChatNoir

Monday morning I’m going to sit down with Polly and tell her this just isn’t gonna do it for me. I appreciate all she did to try and make it work, but it’s just not. I can’t be the one everyone leans on anymore. I can’t deal with the “why should I learn it if Cindy already knows it” crap. I can’t focus, I feel like crap the entire time I’m trying to work, and it’s just NOT doing it for me. I don’t want to work for a company that is going to screw people over the way they are. It’s time to stop it.

And the suckage continues. Looks like we’re gonna get reamed on reviews since they’ve been “too nice” in the past. What the HELL am I doing here? WTF?

I’m not going into the office. This is my damn telecommuting week, and I’m going to work from home, dammit. Anything else can wait til Monday. Besides, half the world has today off anyway.

They’ve implemented a new review system - all at the same time in the year (now) and it’s self appraisals. The director sent out an email w/an “explanation” of sorts on the self appraisal crap, and I read through it, and really, what it comes down to is that we’re going to be going to a bell curve. There is no reason to excel, because you won’t get rated that way. Brilliant.

I have to finish mine today - the problem is, there is a “summary” portion you have to fill out at the beginning, and frankly, I have yet to come up with, “Well, given that this has easily been the worst year in history to work in this department…” and well, you should probably not put such things in writing. Edit: I just finished it. Numerical ratings with no comments. Because I can’t come up with anything besides, “Why are you so desperate to keep me here?”

At least it’s Friday.

Oh, and my company sent out an email last week talking about how they are “the official sponsor of the Washington Capitals Fan Appreciation Night” for Monday night’s game, and how we should invite clients out for it. Well, first, it will be interesting to see just where their name shows up at the arena, given that Fan Appreciation night is presented by DC101 and Verizon, and second, why not extend the invite to your employees that make everything actually happen?

Still not into this at all. Trying, but it’s just not working.

Slightly better. I’m working at home today, finally. Focus is still a major problem. Got hit with SEVEN different requests upon arrival. Have basically given up on actual productivity during these 4 hours. Will likely just hit the multijob call tonight sometime when I have some peace and quiet and focus for it.

Still would prefer unemployment.

Under 15 minutes, 5 IM windows opened, I’ve been asked to mentor the newest employee, review the calls that the helper consultant took last week, been informed by my other newbie that “it didn’t work” in response to something she asked me last week, and I’ve actually had to start a list of what I am trying to get done today because I think my brain just melted. Which also led to the following IM:

pisceandreamer: OK, is it bad that i know if you’re going to dump a body, you plant a tree over it?
FunCoworker: OK having a bad day are we?
FunCoworker: Make sure it is a fast growing tree….like an Arborvitae or a Silver Maple
pisceandreamer: Needs a complex, rapidly spreading root structure
FunCoworker: Tulip Poplar is a good choice as are the faster growing maples

God help me if the FBI is watching.

Additionally, we had our end of busy season lunch last Friday, which I bailed on for 2 reasons, one being the consultant training, and the fact that every one of these, I’ve gotten stuck on a call at the last minute and ended up getting there 2 hours late, so it’s kind of pointless. Well, we had superlatives…some just silly, some sincere. Best hair went to the guy in tech that shaves his head - like he pointed out, you’ve never seen him with a bad hair day. Best team player went to my best bud over in tech. Me? I ended up with Most Inspiring. WTF? I would have figured “Most likely to get a 5 minute major for fighting.”

It’s gonna be a day of the tunes being played LOUD.

Ugh, do I have to go to work tomorrow? Last week just sucked SO badly - just not a good week to have when you’re trying to see if part time is going to work or not. And I get to go into the office and do more testing. Wheeeeeee. This week has GOT to be better than last week - it just HAS to. Thing is - one of the newbies assigned to me was out all last week. As awful as it sounds, I am not looking forward to her return - not on a personal level by any means, she’s great. However, the barrage of questions will start again, and it’s hard to describe how draining that is, but it’s pretty bad. Someone asked why I didn’t just take a few weeks off work - because I know I wouldn’t come back.

I’ve got audio and no video from IMAZ right now, so I am listening to folks finish - they just had a husband/wife finish together - how cool is that? Aaron (MCM) should be coming in soon - he was at the 17 mile mark on the run at 9:30, and Jess (Fellow BT’er) hit that point at around 10:30. (I was getting worried about her because they didn’t bother to update her 8 mile split time until they updated the 17 mile point.) And now the feed has been shut down. WTF, folks. These are the normal people that are finishing now - their accomplishment is just as big as the pros, and if it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t have much of a sport.

I still have a boatload to get done around the house tonight before I go to bed - cleaning ladies are coming tomorrow and there is quite a bit of crap in their way. And I’ve got a ton of things to get done this week outside of work. I’ve got the time now, lets see if I can shake the complete life-sucking stress that’s been the biggest problem lately.

I’ll admit I am incredibly frustrated with the work situation, and frustrated with myself that I’ve let it get to me so badly, and generally mad at myself that I let it get to me AT ALL. Though very few things in life change overnight, I was hoping to feel better and not worse after cutting back the hours. I’m already rethinking how long I let this evaluation period go on - it’s so tempting right now to just say screw it and not put myself through any more of it. In retrospect, I think I should have just said “No thanks” to the part time offer and just let it go.

AARON FINISHED!!!!!!!!!! 13:34:26

I have spent 80% of my week on one client. One. Client. That lied to me from the get-go. And I knew they were, but I’ve had to waste my time proving it, while they were complete asshats through the entire episode. And it’s not even over yet - due to the attitude of this client, I have to get one more thing from them so I can then turn around and say, “Hey, you lied to me, here’s the proof, plzdiekthxbye.” And they’ll still deny it.

It’s been an incredibly frustrating week, I’ve accomplished near nothing in the office, save this one damn client and getting another database patched up so I can test and NOT recreate the issues the other client is going through.

This sucks, and I still have another day of it, and I have to go talk w/the consultants tomorrow and the dingbat in charge of it put out the word that it was going to be a troubleshooting session, which it is NOT.

This really has to improve and soon.

OK, part time is just freaking weird. You’re talking to someone here that hasn’t had a part time job since high school. This is definitely going to take some adjusting to say the least. Having a hard time remembering half-time = half as much accomplished, and that it’s normal. Not helping that I am dealing w/ one client who is being a jackass and unfortunately, all we can do is look at their database and go, “WTF?” and another client for whom I’ve been trying to do some testing and was basically kicked out of one database (nicely, mind you) and at least given another database I can work with. However, said database is totally out of date and I’ve spent 80% of my testing time getting it patched up. So, hopefully things will settle down, because otherwise - as stupid as it sounds - I may not be cut out for part time work…

In other news, marathonfoto.com did the pics for the Cherry Blossom Run - site says they’re about 35% of the way through identifying them - they’ve already got one of mine tagged. Now, the person in the picture does look like me, and is wearing the same thing I was, but well, she actually appears to be RUNNING in the picture… :-D (And honestly, I can’t imagine how they tagged it because you can’t see my race number, so until I see a larger version of it, I honestly can’t be sure it’s actually ME, especially if she appears to be running…)

My head just isn’t in the game today at all, my body clock is still hosed from DST, I managed to walk off and leave my gym bag this morning. But no biggie, I can just go later… Except that then I came home, did a couple things around the house, took a nap (DST issues), then promptly forgot about the proposed workout and ate WAY too much for dinner… Tomorrow is another day, right?

40 days out til Virginia Run. Feeling good on that. If I can move continuously for 2:39 for the half-mary, I can do this. Especially since it’s a short swim… 82 until Lake Montclair, which is a much longer swim… Thank god it’s wetsuit legal. Which reminds me, I need to get over to Bonzai this week and talk to them about that. Also should get over and get my bike refit, slow little hybrid it may be, I need someone who knows what they’re doing to take a look and at least make sure that things are positioned right, cause it can make a big difference in comfort if not necessarily in speed.

I didn’t think it was humanly possible, but I think I am more stressed out now than I was before.

I don’t want to work part time. I just want to quit.

I am TRYING to be optimistic. I really am. But you know, I just don’t see how on earth this is going to work out. There is no self sufficiency, no sense of boundaries as it is, why do I keep thinking that will somehow change?

I am moving decision day back to May 1.

Next week, it’s bankers hours for yours truly. Boss sent out an email to the group yesterday w/my change in status - including the phrase “she tried to resign”, so folks got the message. We are waiting for dingbat coworker to demand PT status as well.

Now, here is something good for a laugh: Next Friday, guess who will be speaking to the new batch of consultants in bootcamp about what support does and doesn’t do? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, this should be highly entertaining.

I came into work to an email from our marketing department announcing the “marketing management team” - OK, sure, they’ve done some reorganizing over there, nothing wrong with letting folks know who is who these days.

However, we now have five VP’s in marketing, and a Director. The mind boggles.

Ever have one of those days where the coffee is just NOT kicking in? Today is one of those days so far. Maddening. Focus? What’s that? I think my weightlifting and swim last night left me a little too relaxed.

Oh boy…

34 hours and 5 more minutes of full time.

You know, I’d said I’d give it to May 15th.

I think I’ll be changing that to May 1st the way today has been going.

I should have just stuck to my guns and quit.

OK, I think I just need to keep reminding myself:

This time next week, I will be getting OFF work for the day.

That works.

and I am tired for whatever reason, despite getting to bed early, have a bit of a headache, and am having trouble getting my brain warmed up in general.

But I am just not feelin’ the love today. Between a snarky comment by the director on Friday that is still bugging me, and being bombarded with dumbassed questions this morning, I am wondering if PT will actually be worse rather than better. (I am already getting the impression that they are going to try to suck 40 hours worth out of me in the space of 20.)

However, I will put forth a genuine effort between next week and May 15th to make it work. I think 6 weeks is more than enough time to evaluate. If it’s working, fantastic. If not, we gave it the old college try - but I’m not going to drag it out any longer than that.

I really would like this to work, just not feeling optimistic about it this morning. But like I said, I’m also tired and a little off my game in general, which usually doesn’t result in my being exceptionally upbeat, because I am more thinking about a nap. :)

Our entire marketing department needs a collective swirly.

GO PATRIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, what a game - caught it at GD’s and what a great place to see it - every time we scored, the place went nuts. What an off the wall tournament it’s been - I have one team still standing in my brackets, and it’s Mason. They are up against UConn tomorrow at 2:40. You can bet I’ll be watching.

HR has to approve my PT status, but it looks like everything is a go on that. And apparently, 20 hours a week actually still qualifies for benefits - shocked the hell out of me. I really hope this works out well - but as I told my boss, if it doesn’t, we gave it the old college try at least.

Added another race to the season - GW Parkway Classic - 10 miles, starts at Mt. Vernon and ends in Old Town - should be fun. Next weekend is the Cherry Blossom 10 miler - looking to come in under 2 hours on that one - I want to beat my pace from the half on that one, which was 11m36s when you take out having to wait for the WC - I think it’s doable. I can’t help but be somewhat amazed by the fact that a 10 mile race is simply not intimidating to me anymore.

So, the government has decided that they want to beef up penalties for illegal immigrants. Personally, I think we’d be as well served to actually concentrate on enforcing the existing laws, but hey, what do I know. The part that actually baffles me is the protests that have been going on this week over it. Hi, folks, the key phrase here is illegal. I know that folks come here to get away from some pretty heinous situations in other parts of the world, and yes, they contribute to the economy, but still, if you’re here illegally, you are breaking the law, you know you’re breaking the law, and if you get caught, you’re gonna get your butt bounced out of here. I don’t see where the righteous indignation is justified on this one. Then again, I don’t claim to be particularly politically savvy, so maybe I’m missing something here.

Even though they broke into the cabinet today and broke the cookie jar from Germany that we’ve had forever. As I told the cats, THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

I keep having to remind myself that all I have to do is slog through the next week and a day and then I get a BIG chunk of my life back. Things seem to be going through w/the PT status, apparently there are some things to hammer out w/HR, but it would seem that I will be on a 20 hour workweek starting 4/1. Seems I was the topic of more than a few conversations at the user conference, and the general consensus is “she cannot be let go.” (Which still surprises me, cause the level of fried has affected my performance - my A game isn’t exactly around these days, I figured they’d be happy to get rid of me and get fresh blood in, but it seems I know a lot of stuff that no one else does.)

6 full workdays… Just gotta slog through.

Good lord. So yeah, no one has told ME about my employment status, but there are NON-employees that know…

Seems director told training manager (who has a big mouth) who then told her husband (ex-employee) who in turn emailed my coworker saying he’d heard that I quit, but was now part time…

That right there makes me want to call all deals OFF.

Edit: Just spoke w/ my boss (reports to director) - she hasn’t been given a final go/no go either - she’s pissed off now too!

OK, so I tried to resign on Thursday. They offered up part time, we discussed further on Friday. Boss said it was all reasonable to her, but it has to go through the director (her boss). However, the director (who won’t make a decision w/out *her* boss, the VP getting involved…) was already on the way to our user conference, so I had no final answer when I left the office on Friday.

So, I gave her my cell # and asked her to please get the director to make a decision today and leave me a voice mail. I have no voice mails from her… Now, if it was completely no-go, I would have at least heard something from her. So, all I can assume right now is that the director is freaking out because they don’t like my list and yet, don’t want to lose me and don’t know what to do.

I don’t care that they’re busy at the user conference - this isn’t a hard decision to make. Yes or No. It’s not like I’ll have hurt feelings either way.

It’s been a screwy, screwy day on many fronts.

By this time tomorrow I’ll know if by 4/1 I will be unemployed or just part time. I attempted to put in my resignation today, they countered with the possibility of part time, we will discuss tomorrow.

News of my potential departure went through the building surprisingly fast and folks were rather distressed. Had more than a few people from other departments saying, “But you’re the only one that knows what you’re doing!” To be honest, that surprised me - my buddy J said, “Honey, you’re a celebrity here, didn’t you know that?” Um, no.

However, because I have to be in the office tomorrow negotiating my employment status, I have to get everything together for leaving tonight and that’s a pain in the ass. Really ready for the weekend to get here. (Well, as soon as the laundry is done…) Have made arrangements to meet up with some folks for dinner Saturday night down at the beach, so that should be a lot of fun.

I had an absolutely fantastic weekend, and nothing brings it to a screeching halt like Monday morning back at work.

My first client of the day is disgruntled, patronizing and generally unpleasant. The disgruntled part I do understand. The rest is simply not necessary.

There’s a lot going on that really has me shaking my head.

We received a rah-rah email from one of the VP’s. While it was an admirable attempt, it doesn’t actually address any of the issues, such as why we were so short staffed in the first place and how on earth they are going to keep folks from continuing to bail, and if they do, how to prevent the 6 month gap in getting replacements in.

The newer folks have all been assigned to a senior person. In theory, they now have one person to direct their questions to. In reality, it has turned into, “Work my calls for me.” So, despite being near fully staffed, the senior group is still doing their own jobs and half of someone else’s. This has been going on for a year now.

We have a user conference coming up and our “showcase” product just isn’t quite ready for prime time. This is causing just a bit of mass hysteria.

Upper management is also mad that there have been no referrals from the support group for said user conference. Isn’t that why we have this crack marketing team? Frankly, I think it’s also just stupid to expect anyone to “refer” them - we’ve sent out tons of stuff about it, the clients already know it’s happening and will go if they want - it’s really not something anyone has to pester them into.

Just a little nuts around here.

When I have a flag up on my IM that says, “I am at lunch until 2:15″ and you IM me and get the auto responder, do NOT then AIM me 10 minutes later asking if I have any suggestions on your problem. I AM AT LUNCH.

And no, I am not going to wait tail I have 0 calls to quit, just an amount that can be reasonably closed in two weeks so there is as little as possible to dump on my coworkers - and I am actually getting there, 30s now vs over 60 at one point week before last. (Yes, I know, it shouldn’t matter, but I am a dork that way.)