CafeChatNoir

I feel so bad when I read status updates on Facebook about people still shoveling snow. This spring is very, VERY welcomed. It’s so nice to have the back door open and the dog can come and go as he pleases during the day. (Though he is having a bit of trouble remembering that he doesn’t have to ask every time he wants to go out.) So far the cats have shown no interest in the dog door other than sniffing at it, and don’t seem to understand that the dog can’t actually walk through walls. Lily has figured out that if she sits in front of the dog door, Moxley will just stand on the other side and not try to come in until I intervene and move her. (Yes, she is a bit of a brat.)

HR 4872 may or may not happen today, aka health care. This should be interesting. I just hope that perhaps this can stop some of the nastiness going about. (Last I heard, Gerry Connolly was on board, deem and pass had gone out the window, and the fence-sitters were finding themselves in quite the spotlight.)

In other news, I am an Avon rep!! (Been dying to try the Anew line, didn’t know a rep and decided I would just be my own rep.) Thank you Melissa for being my awesome first customer! To that end, I have a meeting with my District Sales Manager tomorrow, a “Division Rally” next week and a sales meeting the week after that. Basically, more meetings in the next 3 weeks than I’ve been to in the last 4 years. At the risk of sounding like a sales pitch, I will say the online ordering and direct delivery they have now is pretty spiffy.

Now I am going to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of this absolutely gorgeous day. Well, after lunch.

Well, last night I turned down the contract/consulting offer – found out today that the company is going public again. Not a real shock, given that the owners sold out to a private equity firm just over 2 years ago and everyone has just been waiting for them to flip it back to a public offering, but I feel like I dodged a bullet getting out of there and not going back. Even though the work could have been as few hours as I wanted, I know the way I am, and I know the way I work and before I knew it, I’d be doing 40+ hours again a week and it would be October and I’d have lost the summer. But, the upside is that it gives me another benchmark to work with for the trading I’m doing, which is good.

My realtor hasn’t had a chance to see the house yet, but I am praying that he’ll agree that it’s really ready to go. But, if he gives me another project, I’ll certainly do it. I’m hoping that whoever buys this place realizes what a turnkey operation it is – I can’t think of anything anyone would have to do to make it more liveable. I am insanely curious to find out what my realtor wants to price it at – right now there are two places in the neighborhood, 6 houses apart, with a 60K difference in asking price. The lower priced one is basically advertised as a fixer-upper, so I’m not too worried about that throwing things off – hell, if I could hit the middle of those two on price, that would be fine with me.

OK, so my old company is desperately in need of some help and is offering some obscene cash for me to come back on a contract basis – I decide my hours and work location.  However, I don’t think they realize how little I remember of the software at this point…  I said I’d at least think about it, but I need to know if we’re talking truly short term, like a couple weeks, or if it would suck up the entire summer (in which case, no way in hell.)

I doubt I’ll do it, because I am sure it wouldn’t be a short enough term for me, but it’s nice that they think I’m still smart. :)

Currently watching a special on Warren Buffett.

I honestly think if all CEO’s were like him, Corporate America wouldn’t be such a suckass place to have to be.

OK, back when I was dealing with well degreed idiots for a living, there was a situation I ran into constantly. The software database had two tables that caused a fair amount of stupid. One table was the “cost and revenue” table which then fed into the “project status report” table. The project status report table was designed for one function and one function only – the system used it to print the project status report. Who knew? It’s not a friendly table to try to use for any other purpose, end of story. On countless occasions, I had people calling and asking how they could use the project status report table to build an external report. Given that’s not it’s design or function, we have no obligation to try and help you figure this out. In fact, if you actually want to build a report and *know* what you’re hitting on in the tables, you use the cost & revenue table. It has all the same data, but in an actual comprehendably organized fashion, which the report table doesn’t. Over and over again I told people, “Don’t even waste your time trying to use the report table, just go to the other table and use that. Trust me, you’ll be less frustrated in the long run.” And invariably there would be a bit of snarking over the fact that they should be able to use whatever table they wanted, and I would tell them they were more than welcome to, but we weren’t going to help them with it anyway, so they should be happy we were at least pointing them in the direction of the more user-friendly table.

I’m still on the Yahoo newsgroup for my software, I don’t know why I stayed subscribed to it, but I’ve been a member of it for years now and I still find it interesting the things that pop up there from time to time.

Today a message popped up… “I’m trying to use the project status report table to build and external report and it just isn’t working…” No shit, sherlock. I recognize the user name, and I’m pretty sure we had this conversation before.

They did decide to send me an exit interview after all. I’m filling it out now…this may take hours. (They also seem to want to “talk” about it. Um, no, it’s pretty clear and self explanatory…)

OK, so I’m spending most of my day surfing the internet, and answering a few last minute questions from folks. I’m being repeatedly told how relaxed I look. :) Someone on the elevator said to me, “Oh, today is your last day, isn’t it? What a total loss.” Which is nice and all, but I have no earthly idea who she was. It’s a tad disturbing to have people know you and you don’t know them.

I loved my coworkers comment on it: It’s OK one as great as you can not know ALL who adore you LOL!

– You’ve inspired me, I think I’ll do a employement post mortem eval here soon.

I think I have managed to escape the exit interview – no one has contacted me about it, and HR has known I was leaving. I told my boss that if they still want it, she can give them my email address and get in touch with me next week. One of those things, I’m definitely known for my candor and well, no one really wants to hear it right now. Fair enough!

LAST DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, our front line now totally officially sucks. The one good person on front line got promoted to second line! She totally deserved it, she’s done very well since she got here.

and do feel bad for abandoning her…

Apparently upper management got their heads out of their asses for a few minutes and recognized the situation and tossed the stats out the window for 1st quarter and bonuses will be distributed as though every goal was met. Smart move on their part, as they’re already facing near anarchy in the department. (We have goals that simply could not be met for first quarter. Not as in “gosh, if you really tried harder” as in, “fucking impossible”)

This was announced during our senior line conference call yesterday – and several of my coworkers asked “But, what about Cindy?” – I responded that there was probably a snowball’s chance in hell I’d see it, but hey, that’s life in the big city and all that. (Really, I am leaving and despite the fact that I was here for the evaluation period in question, the way things are working these days, I certainly would not expect it.)

Well, I was talking w/my boss today and she’s taken it up two levels of management to be sure that I get the bonus. Basically, she’s ready to claw people’s eyes out if I don’t see that money.

She’s a great manager, stuck with people she never would have hired in a million years, two more openings and an HR department that keeps taking our openings OFF THE DAMN WEBSITE. No wonder we’re having troubles getting resumes in… (This is the third time our department’s openings have disappeared off the site.)

So, one of my coworkers asks today if I got a survey about the department – no, and I am quite sure I was intentionally left off the list given my imminent departure – most folks don’t want to hear from the disgruntled burnt out employee on her way out the door. So, she sends me the link to it. Bwaaahahahahahaha. It was one of those agree/disagree type things or leave a full comment. Yes, there were near paragraph long comments on every single question. I IM’d her all my answers, and she said they all sounded very good – I can be incredibly eloquent when I’m pissed off. Given the tone and questions of the survey, seems the next direction for the department is “Stellar Support” and going to be all about “exceeding customer expectations”. I pointed out that customer expectations were already beyond the scope of the support contracts we have in place, and exceeding them is pretty much out of the question as we don’t have the level of expertise or any incentive to actually care.

Like I told my coworker, someone will recognize my writing style and delete it, I’m sure. But, she loves the way I write and has made me promise her an advance copy of the great American spy novel when I write it. :)

It will likely get tossed regardless, considering I used the words “oblivious” and “upper management” in the same sentence. Ah well.

8 hours left.

They can make me come to work, but they can’t make me think. 12 hours and 45 minutes.

60+ pages of documentation written just for this training session.

At least 6 other module specific training documents referenced today, repeatedly, with the STRONG suggestion that they use them as reference material in their day to day calls. (I don’t understand the resistance to the idea that a training document can also be a reference document once training is over.)

A copy of the full spec to one of our more confusing screens. I’ll admit, it’s not written in plain English, but it’s hardly Aramaic, either. “How do you read it?” I’m sorry, I can’t teach you to read. Take 5 minutes, get past the panic that you don’t quite recognize everything right off the bat, read it, think about what you’re reading, and it WILL make sense.

Nearly 3 hours straight of going through all this today. While it still probably doesn’t cover half of what I know about the software, it’s the best I could do.

So, what’s the last question? “Well, who is going to take the ESS* calls now?”

*headdesk*

*ESS = Our employee self service web thing. It’s not perfect, but it’s more stable than it used to be at least. I was the “expert” on it – and not “I’m stronger than everyone else on it, but others can at least muck through ‘expert’”, but “No one else takes those calls.”

The 60+ page training document is done. I’d sent out a draft Thursday as a courtesy, it was about 85% done at that point. I stated quite clearly to the second line that the suggestion box was CLOSED. So, of course, when I log on to send out the final version tonight, there is an email waiting from one of my second line coworkers with “Oh, can you hit on these things, too?” Um, no. At this point, you want it trained, you can train them on it later, or should have done it already. Enjoy that.

And tomorrow I’ll be sending out an email of “Here are my calls, there is pretty much a snowball’s chance in hell they will be closed by Friday, you guys can fight amongst yourselves as to who gets stuck with what.” (And my remaining calls really suck.)

And I get to tell one of our PITA program managers I’m outta here and she can start bothering someone else in the group on her disaster of a client.

Last week, upon hearing of my departure, someone asked, “Who is going to do general support now?” Well, not me.

Man, I should have done this oh, about a month ago… 5 days…5 days…just need to get through 5 days without telling anyone what I am REALLY thinking of them right now.

41 pages of documentation and still going. Last night, I informed some folks that I will be completely OFF the radar from tonight through Sunday night as far as work was concerned. You’d had thought I’d said I was going to running around kicking puppies all weekend. My god folks, I HAVE A LIFE!! And this weekend, writing documentation IS NOT INCLUDED!

In less than 24 hours I’ve gotten two offers to get me hooked up with clients for summer work. WTF?

DOESN’T THE TERM “SLACKER” MEAN ANYTHING TO ANYONE THESE DAYS???!?!?!!!!

Yesterdays issues a result of DDOS attack against SixApart

Moussaoui spared death penalty For now. I’m sure the prison population of whichever lovely federal establishment he ends up in will tend to that. Frankly, I’ll be surprised if he lasts a year.

Also, lesson learned this week: Don’t bother to ask ahead of time “what do you need in training next week” – folks seem to be expecting miracles.

Courtesy Bash.org
[Scythe] caps lock is not your friend.
[Scythe] In fact, it is your mortal enemy and it made very disparaging remarks about your mother.

Sadly, there is a lot of yelling in my documentation…

Today has turned into one of “those” days. Aka, massive suckage on all fronts. I’ve got 22 pages of documentation written for this damn training class, most of which I’ve already told these folks MULTIPLE times, and there is just no way we’re going to be able to get into the depth that these twits want – sorry, you should have paid attention the first three times you were told something and actually learned. And the documentation is not even halfway there. It’s not easy trying to get every freaking thing you know down on paper. It’s a twofold difficulty – first, it’s just hard to do. Second, it’s hard to be exceptionally motivated to help people who just took it for granted that you’d always be there and never bothered to learn on their own. (Bastard ingrates are gonna be in a world of hurt, and I don’t give a damn.)

Also a fair amount of “just not getting it” (, this truly does not apply to you – I’ve been laughing my ass off at your repeatedly putting your foot in your mouth this evening. Do not worry, you’re still very, very much in my good graces. And today, that’s seriously saying something.)

Damn, the weekend cannot get here fast enough.

7 and a half days. I’ve long since past the point of actual functioning – that ship sailed about 2 weeks ago. Right now it’s a good day if I don’t end up drooling on the keyboard. My newbies, sweet idiots that they are, are still looking for help. Yeah, you may want to direct those questions to someone whose brain isn’t completely focused on summer break looming ahead. :)

I’m supposed to do one more training session on troubleshooting before I go. So, being a nice (ok, stupid) person, I sent out an email asking what things they have the most problems troubleshooting so I can try and structure it. Given the replies, they would like me to basically retrain them on the entire software product… Somehow I don’t think we’ll quite make that.

Improvisation-style comedy goes to work

Wow. What an incredible way to waste money and annoy your employees.

Say there have been layoffs, or two sections of a company are merging – improv can help lighten the mood

Please.

Link courtesy fark.com

Not that I actually needed it, but it’s nice. Went into work this morning to an email from our former Pres/CEO – he’s resigning his position from the Board of Directors. That was basically his last active tie to the company. He was a great guy, and I still wish he hadn’t left. (His wife was exceptionally ill and passed away this spring, so I don’t blame him a bit for leaving.) In his email, he gave out his personal email address, and I have no doubt that if anyone tries to contact him with it, they will get a response – that is just the type of person he is.

And the answer to the burning question of “Does cutting over to part time do anything for burnout?” is “Not so much.”

Had a good talk w/my boss today, last day will be 5/12, told her I’d even come into the office for the duration, as I’ll get more done there than here. She’s bummed but very understanding.

Even better than all that, I got outside on my bike for an hour when I got home. :-D

OK, you get an email from your coworker saying “Hey, I’m working at home and my IM is dead.”

Later in the day, you see said coworker come online.

Do you
a) Think to yourself, “Cool it’s working for her again” or “Oh, she’s online now.”
or
b) Send an IM asking “Is your IM working now?”

Still not liking this. Have too many other things I want to be doing, and this isn’t one of them – not by a longshot. Hindsight being what it is, I should have just quit, but oh well, what can you do?

I managed to accidentally turn off my alarm instead of hitting snooze and by the time I woke up, it was much too late to be able to get to the office on time. (ie, it was 9:55 and I start at 10)

So, I’m working at home, with an extra 2 hours of sleep under my belt, and in total peace & quiet because the IM network seems to have died on me. Today may be an acceptable day after all.

OK, I really should be on my way to Merchant’s right now, but I also need a touch more coffee… Worst case scenario, I work at home today.

If I go in today, I’ll be talking w/Polly about ending this nonsense, cause it just ain’t working for me at all, if not today, then tomorrow. Cause it just isn’t doing it for me.

Caps game tonight, that is the reward for just getting my ass through today, and that’s all I have to do – get through. Hell, that’s all I have to do for the next two weeks – get through.

Monday morning I’m going to sit down with Polly and tell her this just isn’t gonna do it for me. I appreciate all she did to try and make it work, but it’s just not. I can’t be the one everyone leans on anymore. I can’t deal with the “why should I learn it if Cindy already knows it” crap. I can’t focus, I feel like crap the entire time I’m trying to work, and it’s just NOT doing it for me. I don’t want to work for a company that is going to screw people over the way they are. It’s time to stop it.

And the suckage continues. Looks like we’re gonna get reamed on reviews since they’ve been “too nice” in the past. What the HELL am I doing here? WTF?

I’m not going into the office. This is my damn telecommuting week, and I’m going to work from home, dammit. Anything else can wait til Monday. Besides, half the world has today off anyway.

They’ve implemented a new review system – all at the same time in the year (now) and it’s self appraisals. The director sent out an email w/an “explanation” of sorts on the self appraisal crap, and I read through it, and really, what it comes down to is that we’re going to be going to a bell curve. There is no reason to excel, because you won’t get rated that way. Brilliant.

I have to finish mine today – the problem is, there is a “summary” portion you have to fill out at the beginning, and frankly, I have yet to come up with, “Well, given that this has easily been the worst year in history to work in this department…” and well, you should probably not put such things in writing. Edit: I just finished it. Numerical ratings with no comments. Because I can’t come up with anything besides, “Why are you so desperate to keep me here?”

At least it’s Friday.

Oh, and my company sent out an email last week talking about how they are “the official sponsor of the Washington Capitals Fan Appreciation Night” for Monday night’s game, and how we should invite clients out for it. Well, first, it will be interesting to see just where their name shows up at the arena, given that Fan Appreciation night is presented by DC101 and Verizon, and second, why not extend the invite to your employees that make everything actually happen?

Still not into this at all. Trying, but it’s just not working.