I’ll admit, I laughed until I near cried reading this – and the graphics contributed to no end to my amusement.

Upon finishing this essay, I decided, “I must find the Dog IQ test!”

And Moxley scored 18 out of a possible 30 points*.

On the “hide the treat under a cup” test, he technically failed, with 1 point.  I showed him the treat and the cup, as well as my putting the treat UNDER the cup.  When I said, “OK!” he trotted up to the cup and sat down and waited for me to move the cup.  I consider it a success because he knows that he is not allowed to break into containers when I am watching.  But technically, a fail.

“Towel over head” test.  Maybe I put the towel too far over his body, I’m not sure.  But he gave two shakes of the head, couldn’t shake it, and then laid down for a nap.  1 point.

The “smile” test.  You’re supposed to stare at the dog and then give a big-assed smile (I assume this has something to do w/showing of teeth) and you see how long it takes for the dog to come to you in a happy manner.  I gave him 3 points on this one, because I wasn’t far enough away – he just looked at me and the tail went wild.  He just didn’t feel the need to actually move towards me because I was close enough anyway.  3 points.

“Treat under tea towel” – Sit the dog, show him the treat, and put it under a tea towel and see how long it takes to get the treat.  Mox happily ran up to the tea towel and then sat down next to it – again, waiting for me to give the OK for releasing the treat from it’s “container” – once I said, “Get it!”  he quickly pawed about to get under the towel and to the treat.  Once given the OK, he got 3 points.

“Getting food w/a paw!”  I automatically gave him the 5 points on this one, since I’ve seen him grab bits of food that the cats have knocked under their feeding table. 5 points

“Oh, banana!”  Use your normal sing-song-dog-voice and call him by “refrigerator” and “movies” and then his name and see what he really responds to.  I got a raised eyebrow and a tilted head from the voice, but he didn’t come to me until I said Moxley.  5 points.

So, perhaps my furball isn’t Harvard bound, but he’s smart enough to have trained me exceptionally well.

*Scoring
0-4 = Your dog must be an Afghan (I disagree – Buck from Married w/Children was an Afghan and he couldn’t have been TOO stupid!)
5-15 = Your dog is not too bright, but is most likely very cute
16-25 = Your dog is smart, but won’t go to Harvard
Over 25 = Your dog is a genius

It was a really lovely little break from routine and I loved every minute of it, but coming home was just as lovely. I pulled up in front of the house and as I got the cooler of little bro’s petsitting payment of BBQ out I looked up and saw a barking and bouncing dog in the window. How great is that? Hell, when I was married I didn’t get that kind of reception when I had to go out of town.

Inside, once I got past the bouncing and kissyness of the MoxleyDog, Carmen was next in line. She seemed slightly befuddled, as if she wasn’t quite sure how long I’d been gone. But I got an, “Hey! You weren’t here, but you’re here now! Let me show you the MOST AWESOME THING!” And then she went and lounged on the super awesome cat table that appeared as soon as I’d left on Wednesday night. (This is also known as the laptop table.)

It took a little bit of calling about the house to locate the LilyMonster. I found her in the center hall, and she was angry. It went something like this… “You LEFT me! You went away, and had fun and—-MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and she came running down the hall meowing at the top of her lungs and headbutted me with her Evinrude outboard motor purr.

Sometimes the best part of checking out for a few days is finding out you were missed when you return. Narcissistic? Quite possibly so. Heartwarming? Most definitely so.

I got home tonight, gave Mox his good boy biscuit and went about my business. I looked over a few minutes later and Moxley was snuffling about on the rug for any crumbs and Lily was right next to him, looking for whatever he was looking for. (She is the chowhound of the two kitties.) As I watched, she then just did a kitty bodyslam on him and rolled over right under his nose. Not many other ways a cat can say, “I love and trust you!!” However, the look on Moxley’s face was, “Holy shit, pointy bits up!! Move away!!!!” But it was still very sweet.

Of the two cats, Carmen is the strong-but-silent one. She’s just not the talker that Lily is. (Lily loves to hear the sound of her own voice.) Of all the other creatures in the house that she can get mouthy with, she talks to the dog more than anyone else. And it’s not “Back up dog, or I will cut you!” – it’s more of a “Hey, Moxleyyyyyyyy, whatcha doing?” as she creeps up to headbutt him. (Which also has Mox at loose ends, especially given that Snoopy & Target weren’t really into physical contact with the pup.)

Hopefully with just a little more time he’ll realize that the cats aren’t really out to get him and the pointy bits only come out when he steps on them.

To begin with, he has to deal with two tween girl cats.  (Seriously, if they were human, they’d be in the “OMG, TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!”  stage of life and having serious arguments over being Team Edward vs. Team Jacob.)

That in and of itself is rough for any happy, laid-back canine.  Then the other insults came along.

The other night I discovered a mat behind his ear.  For being a dog made of fun-fur, the fact that he only gets mats behind his ears or on his front elbows still surprises me to no end.  (And I do try very hard to keep those areas brushed and mat-free to begin with.)  But a mat behind his ear has to be at least somewhat uncomfy when he goes to scratch behind his ears.  So, I got out the blunt-end kindergarten scissors to tend to it.  That right there was 10 rounds, because he kept deciding to leave the area, and I pick my battles.  But, we finally got the mat clipped out.

Then tonight Donald discovered a tick on his head.  Great.  Being the coward that I am, I gave my brother the tweezers and said, “Knock yourself out – I’ll help hold him still if you need it.”  (The last time he had a tick when it was just me, I *tried* to get it out, and ended up taking him to the vet to get it out because I was sure I’d rip out half his little scalp in the process.  God bless my vet who only laughed a little bit at me – he would have been justified in laughing so hard he needed to change his undies.)  But little bro removed it and all was good.

And then I came home this evening and discovered that Mox had eye-goobers.  I don’t really know any other way to describe it, but if you have had pets, then you know what eye-goobers are.  They’re not gross, they just are what they are.  But, I had to remove said eye-gunk.  And Oh My God, the dog was so NOT PLEASED.  Not angry, not aggressive, not pissy.  Simply NOT PLEASED.

On top of all of these indignities, last night we let the kittens out to have the run of the upstairs and main level during sleeping hours.  It went something like this, “Run, Run, Run, Bark, Bark, Bark, Run, Run, Run.”  Donald came upstairs at a rather late hour and was greeted by an exhausted dog wondering WHY AREN’T THE KITTENS IN THEIR ROOM??”  He finally got to sleep when they woke me up at 4AM after knocking a plastic bowl of change off the counter in the bathroom that sounded way too much like shattering glass, so I brought them back into my room for the remainder of the night.  Tonight, they stay in – we ALL need to sleep and I’d prefer not to burn the turkey tomorrow due to sleep deprivation.

And despite all these indignities, all I have to do is look to the muppet dog to my right on the loveseat and say, “Howya doin’ Moxley?” and I get a tail wagging so fast it’s a blur and a pup who wants nothing more than to give kisses and get his tummy rubbed.

And that my friends, is why he’s not just a good dog, or a great dog, but the AwesomeDog.