CafeChatNoir

Everything sucks.

I’ve been sick all weekend. I have another contractor to meet with tomorrow. Still don’t have a replacement light for the lamppost. My DSL crapped out again and they are just sure it’s the modem and sending me a new one, which won’t arrive until Tuesday, so I am stuck on dialup or a hijacked connection. The earliest I would be able to switch over to cable would be January.

My grandmother called and gave me her flight info today. If she hadn’t done it before now, I would have asked her today anyway. Apparently I should have asked ages and ages ago from the attitude I got on the phone.

So help me god, if for some reason the storage container doesn’t get picked up on Tuesday like it should, I’m gonna have an aneurysm. I have a research abstract due on 12/31 - looks like I’ll be writing that during the wee hours of the nights over the next 2 weeks given that I don’t imagine my actually doing any work on it during the day will go over well.

God, things had better take a good turn here soon, cause I am at my wits end today.

This may end up sounding rather angry, but really, I’m feeling quite good about things right now.

So, I had a little revelation this evening, which has been years overdue, but hey, I always have been a procrastinator.

I’ve struggled with Christmas for many years. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas, I do. Lots of things I don’t like (Macy’s decorating before Halloween, people getting in fistfights in malls, the whole $$ spent on presents = love), but there are lots of good things. Giving. People actually being decent towards their fellow man, even if they can’t manage to carry it past New Year’s. Christmas cookies. Christmas lights. Spending time with people you care about. (Yeah, that goes on all year, but there’s something about it at Christmastime…)

The struggle comes with my grandmother. She has stayed for a month every year. This year, it’s only two weeks. We’ve never had anything really approaching a good relationship. I sort of understand the reasons, but she’s basically been a thorn in my side my whole life. How many 6 year olds ask their mother, “Why doesn’t grandma like me?” Yeah. There is nothing I can do that is right in her eyes - never has been. I’m used to it, but I still let it get to me. But it makes it incredibly difficult to enjoy a holiday when you have someone in your life who pretty much disapproves of everything you do, and lets you know it, and you can’t avoid them.

A while ago, I told someone who was letting some jackass get to them, “Do you really want to give them that kind of power to screw up your whole evening?” Hmmm, physician, heal thyself.

Tonight I decided, I don’t care anymore. When she arrives, I am sure she’ll find something wrong in the house in the first 24 hours. She will resent every time I leave the house, be it to go get groceries or actually go spend some time with friends. She will tell me “I’m trying to do too much” the minute something burns on the stove, and then obsess about the oven blowing up. I am sure she’ll have some choice words about my decision to go back to school. There will be fantastic dinners but the portions will be too large.

This is my life. The key word being there is MY. Not hers. If she doesn’t like what I do with my life, my time, my money or my house, that is HER problem. Not mine. Realistically, she has no power over me whatsoever - there is nothing she can do to me if she doesn’t like the way I live my life.

I will probably have to remind myself of this several times over the course of her visit. But, I like Christmas and I’m not letting it get fucked up yet again. I just want to enjoy this holiday, and I fully intend to.

Little bro is back home, which I am very happy about - sounds like he had a really good time in NYC, so I’m happy about that - can’t wait to see his pics - apparently the building he was staying in had a killer view and he got some great shots of the city from the roof.

Other than that, though, today was kind of a “blech” day. Did my scheduled ride on the trainer cause when I looked at the radar this morning, it looked like there were storms coming through - of course, they didn’t come through until much, much later so I could have been outside after all.

Despite the “blech”, it was a fairly productive day.

I have health insurance! Well, I’ve got new health insurance - my individual plan is in force now. My brother went through the same company - he was good to go in a couple days. Mine took 2 weeks because apparently the computers ate part of the quote and as a result it went into limbo until someone pulled it up and got the missing pieces in.

Made a bunch of phone calls on the townhouse to start my day. Have someone coming in to give me an estimate on interior painting for the townhouse next week. They said they can give me the numbers on the spot. At which point I will likely hand over the keys and say “Knock yourself out.” Waiting on landscaper to call back. Get the last of the stuff out that is there and then it goes on the market. Yeah, it’s taken too long, but it’s also taken this long to get to a point where I don’t wake up in the morning completely over my head in work stress. What can I say, when I burnout, I go all out. It was more important to get myself feeling better physically first before tackling anything else, cause I was seriously dragging tail for a long time. Guess it sounds kinda lame, but it is what it is.

Also have an appointment for all three critters to get their checkups and shots tomorrow so they will be good to go for the kennel.

So, definitely a more done than undone kind of day.

I would just like to state for the record that is evil and a bad influence.

That is all.

I’ve been trying to get hold of my grandmother most of the afternoon and it just goes to her answering machine. I’ve just gotten off the phone with the Maricopa County Sheriff’s office and they’re going to go over and see what’s going on and call me back, but I’m afraid I already know the answer.

Edit: That woman is going to be the death of me. All is fine, and god bless the Maricopa County Sheriff’s department.

This little email exchange occurred between me & my brother, it started with some general ranting on management and such…

Oh, and we don’t have enough staff on support, or enough training, and yet, we’ve hired 6 of the Washington Redskins cheerleaders for our “pep rally” on Monday.

That’s the shit that infuriates me.

I probably wouldn’t mind so much if I were a lesbian.

You almost killed me. I had a mouth full of cheeseburger when I read that.

I win.

She asked for a 6AM wakeup, cause she’s not exactly quick like a bunny these days and didn’t want to rush about - totally understand.

6AM - “Gran, it’s 6″
Nothing…
6:05AM “Graaaaan, get up”
Nothing again. Fuck. Thought of the possibility of an 83 year old woman expiring overnight briefly cross my mind.
I peek in - not only is she breathing, there is some snoring going on (I come by it honestly…)
OK, time to bring in the big guns.
“Moxley, lets get Grandma up!!!!!!!!!!!”
That did it.

Of course, she was ready to go in under 10 minutes…

Edit: We’ve just gone through panic #1 of her thinking she’d lost her ticket…

So, tomorrow Grandma heads home. In all honesty - I am glad she came out here for the holiday - she’s always been here for Christmas, and it really wouldn’t be the same without her.

It’s just the two full weeks before and two full weeks after that wears a bit. I will say yet again - thank god for - he helped me keep my sanity. Prison breaks aren’t as well orchestrated as the planning to get my ass out of the house occasionally, and lord knows I wouldn’t have gotten out were it not for him.

But, she’ll be back home and in her comfort zone and can tell all her friends what awful ungrateful horrid grandchildren she has, and I can leave the house after dark without having to check my watch every 5 minutes, and can stop having to keep me from losing my mind. Win-Win for all parties.

If nothing else, it’s been quite the character building experience, and I’ve learned a few things…

– After watching CourtTV for a month, I can commit the perfect crime.
– The fact that I’ve not done so says something good about me, I just don’t know what.
– I’ve actually gone through worse episodes of sleep deprivation than this visit, but it’s a close race.
– My brother and I have a really good relationship, and we really do try and look out for each other.
– I really REALLY like my independence, and I get exceptionally pissy if anyone attempts to infringe on that.
– This is probably why I’m not in a serious relationship right now.
– Unless some guy thinks I am the damn greatest thing since sliced bread EXACTLY AS I AM, I don’t think I’ll be in a serious relationship anytime soon.
– No matter, I kick ass on my own anyway.
– Wow, I can’t think in a linear fashion to save my life this evening.

Alrighty, off to bed, for a 6AM wakeup, a 7:30 departure for the airport, and then about 2 hours of sitting around cause we’ll be there so early.

Thanks again to all for listening to my rants & raves this past month - much appreciated. :)

Under 26 hours. Cold, heartless, bitchy, whatever, it’s been a damn month.

Found the root cause of my sleep deprivation. “Well, I feel guilty leaving you down here all by yourself.” Gran, I’m a confirmed night owl - it’s all good…go to bed please.

So can’t wait for the weekend for a real and actual opportunity to blow off some steam without checking my watch every 5 minutes.

Now time for work to deal with all the disgruntled clients I didn’t call back yesterday because that last call of the day? Was on the phone for 3 hours and 6 minutes…

In your miracle news for the day - 12 of those miners that were trapped managed to survive. Good lord, the reporter is asking why they didn’t immediately just drill into the shaft to get them out… Um, let’s see - another explosion? Risk to rescuers due to lack of oxygen? The damn thing could cave in? Hit an underground spring and start a flood? And the reporters are pissed that there hasn’t been a press conference yet. Hey, here’s an idea - lets actually tend to these folks, screw the press conference, OK? Now they’re asking some poor relative, “So, who did you hear it from that they’re really alive, cause we haven’t seen them yet.” Bastard reporters. News this morning, only 1 survived. :(

3 more days - I’ve already decided we’re just gonna order pizza Friday night, cause I know she’ll be all spun up getting ready to go, and I need to minimize any and all other stress, and taking care of dinner is one of those items. is brilliant and has taken care of getting what we need for dinner tomorrow night. Just need to figure out what we’re gonna do Thursday night.

The suitcase weighed in just short of 20 pounds - the limit is 50. And yet, she still expressed concern about adding her new shoes to it…

2006 race schedule is pretty well nailed down - only three races left to register for, the Manassas Mini, Army 10 miler, and the USMC Mud Run. In all, looking at 10 runs and 4 triathlons. It’s gonna be a great year. Got the final mileage from the race director on the New Year’s race - 7.92 miles. I had a total suck pace at 12m32s per mile, but I’ve NEVER run that far before, and I actually didn’t feel bad at the end of it. Tired as hell, but not bad. Apparently they ended up awarding all the prizes randomly because they didn’t know how far anyone went - old timers who knew where the turnaround was fared much better than the rest of us. But I still ran farther than they did. ;)

OK, I think I’ve finally unwound enough to sleep.

I feel horrid for the fact that I am actually looking forward to 8 hours of work tomorrow, but it’s a break. Went shopping today, got some shoes for her, the other shoes she had were “too soft” - understandable, when you have bad ankles, you need something solid. Find a decent looking pair of laceups, get home, and she says something about how “these don’t bend at all” Oh dear lord in heaven, please PLEASE let these shoes be OK when she actually is standing on them and has her weight on them given that *I* am the one that found them for her… (She did try them on at the shop.) Many, many thanks yet again to for helping with shoe shopping today - I know how much he LOVES it when I duck into a shoe store when we’re out together…

Emotional exhaustion is far outpacing physical exhaustion - hell, I went out and ran near 8 miles yesterday, I can’t be too far gone physically, but mentally, I am just done in.

I’m tired as hell but still too keyed up to sleep.

The year started off with a fun call from , announcing that he was quite inebriated, but had to do it to protect the honor of the USCG. Ben, when do I get the ring to go with the marriage proposal? (Kidding. Maybe.)

7.9 miles. Holy crap. 6.2 was going to be a distance record anyway, I still don’t know how I managed the 7.9 - and I actually didn’t feel bad at the end. Tired - yes, happy to stop moving - definitely, but not BAD. The half mary in March doesn’t seem quite so absurd anymore. And I’ve got another 10K on 3/12 - heck, that’s gonna feel short after this one. :-D

Of course, very tired and creaky tonight - my Grandmother said “Well, you should do that more often, or not at all, you know.” had to physically restrain me from charging out of the kitchen and whacking her in the head with a coffee mug. Just another week - we’ve started with the daily checking of the itinerary and what time we need to be at the airport (this is a normal annual occurrence.) She wants to weigh her suitcase tomorrow. Fair enough, if we can get her off the ceiling on that one, I’ll consider it quite the success.

OK, gonna try for sleep again.

Oh, Linda & Craig came by this afternoon (this would be sub mom & dad) - good time was had by all, and the best part, we put the hockey game on and got to see the Caps win in a shootout. :)

Beezer was there, lucky bastard - certainly got his money’s worth for the game. (Well, except for the fact that he’s a Flyers fan…)

My grandmother earlier this evening: “Well, if you’re gonna stay up to ring in the new year, I will too!” OK, gotta admire the spunk factor, but…*headdesk*

I have informed her that I will be out running tomorrow. Given that I haven’t gotten my ass out to the gym or running in three weeks, this should be good - the goal is finish without dying at this point.

Have a Kir Royale* at my right and already feeding Grandma champagne… As it stands I usually need a good two hours after she’s crashes out for the night to unwind, and today hasn’t been any different - the earlier she gets to bed, the earlier I can get to bed.

*Champagne & Chambord. Yum.

Feeling a little better this morning, this time next week her plane will be in the air. I’ve got the laptop down here in the living room and I’m getting the evil eye for it. Fuck it, I don’t care anymore.

Picked up my race number (43, apparently folks do NOT register early for this) & t-shirt for tomorrow - actually doing the race is still totally up in the air, but hopefully when I remind her about it, she won’t get all pissy on me.

I really am quite disappointed in myself that I’ve managed to get through all other sorts of crap in my life, and an 83 year old woman has broken me in 3 weeks.

I’m pretty sure this is the first time since she’s gotten here that I’m going to be asleep before midnight. Usually I am so spooled up I can’t even think about sleep until an hour or so *after* she’s gone to bed. Tonight, tired has won out over all other things.

And on that note, I am going to attempt to get 8 hours of real sleep.

I’m a bad person, I’m losing my mind, I’ve got zero patience or tolerance left for my own grandmother, and I fully realize that I am going to hell for it. But damn, it’s so hard to deal with her. Bitching about dinner, instead of just saying, “Hey, can you show me where you put stuff in the fridge”, she proceeds to tell us that “All the food is safe from her” since she doesn’t know where it is, and then getting on to my working 11-8, “Well, I’ll just have a sandwich I guess…” Good lord, you’d think we’re not feeding her.

11 days. 11 days. I can do this. I have no choice. I am Puke & Sprint, I can do anything. Dear god, please just let me get through this. Help me figure out a way to get through this without us both completely hating each other by the end of this visit. 33 years of dealing with someone who doesn’t like me to begin with, and then one on one for a whole month is not pretty.

OK, round #2 of the benadryl is starting to kick in a little. Gonna try to get some sleep in…

I cheered inside when she said next year would be a shorter visit. Then she made comments about our work schedules and how we never have dinner. I should have seen that coming.

We’re into week three. As I’ve said so many times - I can totally put my life on hold for a week, even two weeks. But a month is just too much. I’ve managed to get out of the house for non-work/moving related me-time on 4 occasions. Gym, Hockey (which I got in trouble for), stopping for a beer at Gd’s after moving stuff, and then Christmas Shopping. Of those 4, only 2 I didn’t basically sneak out for. This is out of 17 days. Of course, Donald hasn’t gotten out much more either, but at the same time, he gets to the office every day.

What little sleep I am getting is of absolute suck quality. I end up staying up a couple hours after she goes to bed just to decompress, and I’m still getting up early to tend to things. I am completely physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m working on a stress induced ear infection - the spot behind my left ear swelled up today and it hurt to close my jaw - loaded up on benadryl and lasted about an hour before I had to crash for a little while.

On the upside, I’ve managed to get some of my assignments done for class already, so that’s good, considering that she’s not going to understand at all.

Donald is out watching football this evening. I’m waiting for him to get back, just cause, well, hell I’m not really sure, I guess to keep grandma from freaking out if she hears the door open or something.

He’s home. Grandma is gonna freak out when she sees him in the morning, but again, whatever.

So completely and utterly exhausted. Just popped two more benadryl, have a heating pad for my ear, going to bed soon, hopefully getting a decent nights sleep…

Oh dear lord in heaven I am not going to make it through today much less 11 more days. She’s been in a snit all morning.

And something is seriously fucked up with my jaw/ear on my left hand side… WTF?

Yes, I’m in my room hiding from my grandmother at the moment…

Yesterday she was all in a tizzy that her gifts wouldn’t fit in her suitcase, despite multiple reassurances that we could easily pop it in a box and ship it to her. I screwed up the size on a couple things, she said to have them shipped to Phoenix when I reordered. So I did. Then she decided she wanted them shipped here. (I guess so we can then ship them to Phoenix in a week and a half.) Too late, now she’s down there fretting over the box arriving at her house before she’s home, despite the fact that she has a petsitter coming every other day who also brings in the mail.

There is also the matter of cash. She’s running low. Have repeatedly told her she can write one of us a check and we can get cash out for her at the ATM. (Her ATM card is locked in her safe deposit box…) She’s getting spooled up about that, too. We’re going out this afternoon to tend to that.

The tile guy came and left this morning, he’s going to have to do the work tomorrow. Seems my ex fucked up what he did do six ways from Sunday and there is a lot of little things he has to undo and then redo. He also has to find fixtures for me, as the only thing I could find at Home Depot had a bunch of other crap in it that I didn’t need, and as it turns out, won’t fit anyway unless we rip out part of the wall, which we both agreed was probably not ideal.

I’m working 11-8 this week, forgetting about the fact that Thursday is her birthday. If someone can’t switch shifts with me that day, I’m so totally and completely screwed.

It’s incredibly selfish, but I’ll be happy when I have my life back.

& I are quietly celebrating the fact that we’ve broken the halfway point on this visit. A month can be a very long time…

The presents are all wrapped and under the tree (well before midnight, no less - quite unusual for me), everyone is in bed and I’m spending a little quality time with a South Park Christmas marathon - absolutely hilarious. (So many reasons that I’m the head bartender on the bus to hell.)

Two weeks down, two weeks to go on the visit. While there have been some tense days, there have been no full on fights, which I’m grateful for, and frankly, exceptionally surprised. But between the moving, the holiday, the visit, and oh, that work thing, I’m physically and emotionally really, really tired. I’m not getting enough sleep and the sleep I’m getting ain’t exactly quality, but hey, I can catch up in January, right? All I really want for Christmas is enough patience to get through the rest of the visit with some level of grace & dignity.

Merry Christmas to all my buds out there - y’all have really come through for me in more ways than you can possibly imagine in the past year, and especially listening to my insane rants over the past two weeks. :)

I hope all your holidays are filled with love.

Peace out, kids.

I actually got OUT of the house for a while last night, and got to see the Caps win again!

However, I am here alone with Grandma for the next five and a half hours, and despite getting a semi-decent night’s sleep, I’m still completely exhausted and really need to sack out for an hour or two, but I don’t know it would go over real well…

Crisis averted as much as possible. Tired as hell - up til 1 last night and then up again around 5:45 this morning. Still more ahead. Problem is figuring out just how long it’s going to take. I have tonight, Saturday morning and all day Monday. Unfortunately, I don’t know how much if anything I can do tonight due to losing a boatload of sleep last night cause I couldn’t just finish things off last night…

Gotta catch a second wind, cause I gotta be ready to deal with grandma and then go actually do something.

So freaking exhausted.

In the office and yeah, it’s nice to be around people under the age of 80 for a while. Coworkers are finding this absolultely hilarious - and yeah, with a little bit of distance, it’s truly like a damned sitcom - NBC couldn’t write this stuff if they tried. Up close, it’s more like Survivor Springfield… :)