or possibly more accurately, a good case of Identity Misplaced.
For an insanely long time, my entire brain has been consumed by one of two things - settling the estate, and prepping the townhouse for sale. For all intents and purposes, both of those items are done. So, here I am with the ability to do anything else that I want with no guilt, and frankly, it’s a little strange. To put it mildly.
Suddenly I am faced with the other voices in my head saying, “So, who are you and what exactly is your purpose on this planet now?” Damn voices.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I sleep 24/7 now by any means. I do things. Classes. Trading. Training. But despite the fact that all of these things fill a day very well, and I really enjoy all of them, I’m still wondering exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing.
I’m sure this is in no small part due to the fact that today (or technically yesterday) was my folks birthday. When they were my age, they seemed so much farther along in life. My Dad was well into his Navy career. My Mom was doing a kickass job at the Mom thing. They had 2 kids, the house, the dog. (Cats wouldn’t come along in our family until 1985.)
Me? Single. House and dog only by unfortunate consequence. (Though I would not give up the hound for a million dollars.) Career? Some would say I ditched it, the smart part of my brain points out that the trading takes up a decent amount of time and keeps me in Guinness & hockey tickets and I enjoy the hell out of it, so it’s a career, just not one that conforms to DC societal norms.
Not sure if I need to change what I’m doing, or where I’m doing it, or just need a little time to get used to being me again. Regardless, it can be very unsettling.
Current Music: Clapton, “She’s Waiting”
May 22nd, 2007 - 8:37 am
just not one that conforms to DC societal norms.
And you are not one that conforms to DC societal norms anyway, so it’s all good.
May 22nd, 2007 - 10:07 am
Very true, at least I am fairly consistent that way. :)
May 25th, 2007 - 12:29 pm
“When they were my age, they seemed
so much farther along in life.”
Yes, but that was a lifetime ago, and making comparisons to today, seems to be irrelevant to me - at least as my life goes. Of course, to each their own. That was their benchmark. You perhaps want your own.
Seven years ago I left a good job, sold absolutely everything I owned - minus a few things I felt I should keep - and turned into a gypsy for a while. I eventually occupied a space in the southwest from which I did a lot of traveling around into the Baja and other not-so-common areas of North America. I had a great time, doing what I wanted to do. But, as with most “places” I have been, I eventually tired of the flotsam and felt I needed to move on.
I have always said, “If it feels like it’s time to go, it probably is,” and that’s worked well for me with most things in life.
Now, almost a year later after returning north, I find myself at odds with everything, and I am again looking for “something to do”. I suppose it is still the gypsy spirit in me, which I have never really conquored for longer than a decade or so of remaining in one place and having a “regular” job.
I’m not giving advice, and in any case you’re not seeking it. I’m merely saying that perhaps one should measure him/herself by one’s own knowledge and abilities and experiences, rather than those of others, or of a generation ago.
May 25th, 2007 - 9:53 pm
Yeah, I know it’s not a great comparison, but I lived through it, so it’s an easy comparison. :)
The gypsy years sound terrific - I’m sure I have something along those lines ahead of me.
I’m not giving advice, and in any case you’re not seeking it.
But I do appreciate the perspective. Thanks.