CafeChatNoir

My god. The day started out somewhat shaky to begin with for a variety of reasons, then the training went to hell in a handbasket, and I’m now to the point where everyone might as well be speaking German for where my level of comprehension is right now.

I am just one big jar of stupid at this point…

3 hours of training. Eight apps to go through.

Of those eight apps, only TWO worked on the machine we were using.

Lovely. You can only do so much with screen shots & docs, so I’m not sure the trainees got much of anything out of it.

OK, for those of us that watched the Ep II/Clone Wars on TV this evening, what lesson did we learn?

Don’t fuck with the muppet.

I have triggered Discover cards fraud alert system… Today is charitable donation day and I spent my morning going through my list of places I donate to, and they were all the same amount, all in a short period of time, and DING, there comes the phone call…

I applaud their diligence, but really wish there was a way I could just let them know ahead of time… (I have tried calling ahead before a major purchase, didn’t work.)

In trying to get the cats and dog all eating in the same place, I fed the cats in the kitchen tonight, up on the desk counter so the dog couldn’t bother them. However, the dog wouldn’t eat while they were up there, guess he figured one of them would fall on him or chuck a plate at his head… So, he got to eat out on the deck, which was fine with him. (Heck, I highly recommend it for anyone this time of year.)

In moving-households-as-slow-as-physics allows news, I realized last night that I really need to get my art & beading supplies over here. Noting like jonesing to do some drawing and not having anything around to do it with. I also really need some short sleeved shirts. Basically, I need *all* my laundry. Just a matter of figuring out where to put it once it gets here… Oh, yeah, and I need to get the bath containers out of the car before I can get anything else in it. However, the vehicle is smelling quite fruity!

*sigh* Harrison Ford is on the Actor’s Studio right now. He really needs to dump Calista Flockhart’s sammich deprived bony ass and give me a call.

Well, Snoopy has been doing his best to keep me distracted this afternoon by driving me up a fucking wall. On the table, on the desk, on the scanner, on the keyboard, lather, rinse, repeat. He won, everybody got treats, and now I’ve got some peace until they decide it’s dinnertime.

Target (look! new icon!) has gotten much bolder in his time here. Still hisses at the dog, but comes up out of the basement all the time, and right now has ventured all the way upstairs and is sitting in my lap. I think he’s trying to tell me that it’s dinnertime. Snoopy and Mox have just arrived to reinforce the idea….

Dinner is served.

Been a day of mucho reflectivity. Just the good, thoughtful kind, not the “OMG, my life sucks so much” kind. (That is scheduled for tomorrow at 10 PM EDT right about the time I’ll be needing to get some sleep.)

You know, my parents did a pretty good job of raising us to be able to take damn near anything. But, it gets a bit tiring to keep standing up over and over again… I feel like by now a normal person would be in a puddle on the floor, but it’s like I just don’t have it in me for that. Not that I don’t care when the shit hits the fan, but like there’s some switch in my brain that says, “Nope, put the energy to better use than falling apart.”

Thing is, it does make me feel a tad freakish. I am sure it looks like I actually don’t care. I’m actually an extremely sensitive person - not many people realize that. Things hurt like hell just like anyone else. It just doesn’t look that way.

“Pillar of strength” is a phrase has thrown at me a couple times. :) Maybe I just need to learn how to embrace it a little better, cause well, just cause I deal with things differently, as long as it’s not full on self-destructive or involves slashing someone’s tires, then really, why not?

I’ll readily admit, now that I’ve gotten back up on my feet yet again and I’d like to stay there for a bit. I need to have more reasons to laugh and smile, you know? Whatever comes next needs to be something good. I sure hope it is.

Time will tell, I suppose.

So, today is my Mom & Dad’s birthday. (Yep, same day.)

Can’t say it’s really bothering me, but it’s more of a vague background noise pointing out that things are just not quite right.

Apparently Mox wasn’t due for any shots, so he just got weighed and checked over. No heartworm test needed, apparently with the way the preventatives work now, as long as he gets it monthly for the rest of the season (which starts now), he’s good to go, since he was getting it regularly up until this last gap. So, got that started as soon as we got home and it’s now in my planner. 21st is Mox pill day.

Vet said it was obvious I had been diligent with the grooming (yay!) and agreed that yes, the legs still needed some work, LOL. Also is very enthusiastic about summer shavedowns, was happy to hear that it was in the works for the furball.

All in all, a good visit, even if I did have to a) pick him up and put him in the car because the passenger seat floor has too much crap in it and b) had to put him on the scale because he wouldn’t actually get on it, no matter how hard we tried to coax him. Also realized we have to do more car trips for fun, cause he started shaking on the way over there.

Being up at 7:30 on a Saturday should be solid proof of how much I love this dog so we can be at the vet for his appt at 8 AM.

There is a part of “Float On” by Modest Mouse that reminded me of another song and I *finally* found it - “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand.

Note to all: I should probably be cut off from posting after 1/2 a beer, as I start to wax philosophical. Or what passes for it in my mind… Continue at your own risk.

Tonight’s question is: Why?

Why do we keep going? What is it about us as humans that we keep going?

Consider all the times the average person has a decent kick in the teeth in life. Loss, hurt, general upheaval to outright betrayal.

To be honest, when I think about it, you’d think there would be a LOT more major freakouts going on in the world. Instead, we keep getting up and going at it again. Either we’re quite optimistic, or just not terribly bright.

Me? I truly can’t decide if I’m strong & optimistic, or just a complete friggin’ moron…

Sunday: Container Store: Bread Box

Walked downstairs to find 1/3 of a loaf of pumpernickel-rye swirly bread on the floor… It HAD been unopened. It HAD been on top of the fridge.

Dog looking somewhat guilty, and looking and me, and then at Snoopy, who was appearing rather ticked that things hadn’t turned out like he’d planned…

“Mox, it’s OK. I know who threw the bread on the floor.”

Now I get to explain to the vet tomorrow why the dog may have some indigestion…

I made it to 5 without killing any coworkers, telling off any clients or jumping out the window!! GO ME! :-D

Gotta say, very spiffy thing about this job - for the most part, it’s pretty damn easy to leave work at work, and my stress from earlier is basically gone. Sweet. I am beat all to hell, but I am not stressed. I find that things only get to me when I am tired, and today, I was tired. Slept like a rock last night, but just not enough hours of it.

I’ve also done my exercise today in the form of weight training at the market… I got a 12 pack of bottled beer, a 24 pack of sodas, a 24 pack of water & a gallon of milk and some other things. Normally, not too much for a cart. Unless you pick the one with no steering control and a wheel that refuses to move. Then it becomes a genuine challenge to move it around while shopping.

Got home, did the Friday Dance of Joy with the dog, cracked open a beer and got ready to make quesadillas for dinner, only to discover that the house is lacking a cheese grater… There has to be one somewhere, but damned if I can find it. Obviously, this is a sign that I have to a) get the Kitchen Aid over here and b) get the shredder attachment.

Had a case of “can’t sleep, clowns will kill me” the other night - seems that every little ache/pain/pop that normally wouldn’t even register in your conscious mind gets that paranoid part of your brain going, “Hmm, am I gonna wake up in the morning?” And if it hits at an inopportune moment, you’re staring at the ceiling at midnight thinking, “Well, what if I just stayed up all night instead?” Fortunately, it’s only happened a couple times, and the rational part of the brain eventually takes over and points out things like, “Today you wore a bra that has shrunk two sizes in the wash, and of course you felt constricted til you took the damn thing off! Didn’t you notice the near-permanent elastic marks on your skin?” or “Your left arm hurt when you woke up, did you take notice of the fact that you had it twisted up behind your head AND there was a 15 pound cat sleeping on it, cutting off the circulation to your hand?”

So the other night I sent a text to asking for a wake up call, and then I was able to fall asleep almost immediately… I shared this w/one of my coworkers, and how when my Dad died, that didn’t happen, but I think that is cause I was still married at the time and knew there was someone around to make sure I woke up. Bless her heart - today, she said I was awful quiet, I said I was just tired - “Are you still having trouble sleeping? You can give me your phone number and I’ll call you so you know someone will check on you and then you can fall asleep!” At least last night was just a matter of putzing around the house too late, and not any staring at the ceiling.

Big excitement for the weekend is taking Mox to the vet for his annual visit! Checkup, shots & heartworm test. (He’s been off the preventative since we had no idea when he last had it…) Of course, now I am freaking out that in the 2 months I’ve been responsible for his well being, that’s he’s somehow picked it up. There is also the matter of explaining to the vet that he’s not neglected, I just haven’t mastered the art of grooming his legs just yet. (Head, back & sides are looking good, though!) I’ve got the name of the groomers now, so I’ll be calling tomorrow to see if I can get him in next week when I am off. He needs his summer ‘do, cause I can’t afford the A/C bills to keep him cool without it. I had been thinking about getting out & about tomorrow, but given that I have no idea how the little guy reacts to his shots and stuff, I think I’ll be sticking close to home to keep an eye on him.

Hmm, one way I had been dealing with the dog being able to let himself in the back door was to close the screen AND the door. I just watched him slide the screen open and then open the back door. Note to self: That doesn’t work anymore.

God, I am just one giant stressball today.

The new folks are gonna be the death of me - got dumped on by two of them within 15 minutes of arriving and seriously folks, I need some time to concentrate on my OWN work, thankyouverymuch…

Then mgr dumps another project on me. Great. Again, see those outstanding calls?

You can bet your sweet ass there is a cold beer in my future this evening, assuming I don’t jump out the window before 5…

The mp3 player on the PDA is sweet for riding metro.

Dedication ceremony at Mom’s office was very nice. Short and simple, and just plain nice. They planted a rose of Sharon out in the gardens & a there is a plaque with it, and I made Joanne promise that she’ll take pics if it blooms this season. First thing everyone asked was, “How is the dog?!”

Went over to the National Gallery afterwards and hit the Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit. Very good, and a nice way to spend the afternoon. (, it was different from the one we saw up in B’more.) Of course, I had to buy a book. I seem near incapable of going to an exhibit without getting a very heavy book to take home with me. Funny thing, the exhibit centered mainly around Toulouse-Lautrec, but did have other artists from the period as well. They tag the walls with a symbol next to pieces that have a description in the audio tour. The symbol they used was nothing by HTL, but instead, a Steinlen cat.

I realized it’s been way too long since I have been up to the museums, so I sat down this evening and went through the list of exhibitions online and have made a list of what I want to see and when they close, so I’ve got some things to do over the weekends this summer! I need to re-up my membership with the Smithsonian…

Hoofing it all over town today was good exercise, and when I got home, I sacked out hard for a couple hours. I’m already sleepy again, so hopefully this means I won’t be up until 2 AM.

I soooo want to skip work tomorrow. Can’t, but I’d love to. Have 3.5 days in which to attempt to close all my calls so I don’t have anything sitting out there when I take off next week. If the new folks can pull their weight for those days, I may actually have a shot at getting that accomplished.

Much better day yesterday. Clients were nicer, no insane soccer moms screaming at me in traffic, no showing up at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But still, INCREDIBLY glad to have today off. Got real busy, wasn’t able to close out shit I had already and spent my last half hour telling my clients “out tomorrow, back Friday, will fix things then.” cause I spent the bulk of my day picking up new stuff. It sure was nice to sleep in a little bit today.

Then next week, three day week, and the week after that, ANOTHER three day week. Needless to say, I am quite happy I’ve saved up all that vacation time, cause it is sure coming in handy now, and I’ll still have some to spare after the beach. Even if most of those days off will be spent doing moving stuff. :)

Speaking of moving stuff, I really have to get the containers with all the stuff from my bathrooms out of the car - it’s smelling quite fruity in there now…

OK, just enough time for one more cup off coffee and then off to the service.

Yes, I am going to dwell on this for a while, so bear with me.

It’s just been one of those days where, at every turn something has gone amiss, and I’ve felt like a complete fucking loser, and each time I think I couldn’t possibly feel MORE like a complete fucking loser, something else happens, and no, wait! You CAN feel more like a complete, fucking loser!

And jeez, why couldn’t the ONE person who I needed very badly to answer their phone actually answer their phone?!?

Some days it’s just not even worth trying.

Today is WAY up there on the crappy day list.

First, I realize I don’t have the directions to get where I need to be to celebrate the friend who finished her MBA. I glance at the email, look up the address of the bar online, get directions printed out *and* put in the PDA. I am good to go there, cause even though it’s a haul to get up there, getting your MBA is a big deal.

Last call of the day the client tells me not to be snappy. Great. Fucking wonderful.

Then on the way home, I am at a red light, take my foot off the brake and tap into the person in front of me. Not exactly a stellar moment in my driving career. She is OK, I apologize, and offer insurance info, she wants to check the car. No problem. Not even a mark on either vehicle, *whew* I am very inwardly relieved, apologize again, and then she flips out, threatening to call the police and telling me “you can’t just go around hitting people and just say you’re sorry!” WTF? Took me about three more offers to get her to take my insurance info, she decides she’s not going to call the cops (even though she could do that, because *I* hit *her*, as she reminded me about 6 or 7 times.) Finally she takes the info and leaves, and I go home and immediately call the insurance company because of this whacko, last thing I need is a cop showing up saying I left the scene of an accident.

So, needing to shake of psycho chick, I feed the dog and head out to the bar. Except no one is there at all. Great, I know I’m late but apparently I must be really late. I call the only person I have a number for in my phone who would be there, and of course, no god damn answer. Fuck it, I head home again, after spending 45+ minutes getting there. Get home, go back through my emails, and apparently, there is more than one location for this particular bar, and I had the address for the wrong one… Fuck. FUCK. So now I appear to not care/be one of those people that can’t show up where her ex is. Wonderful.

So, yes, a truly craptastic day, and I think I am gonna just go cry now. At the rate the week is going, I won’t make it to Friday.

Just got an email from my lawyer this morning, the asshat in Va Beach sent back the documents!! So it appears that we’ll be probating the will sometime next week.

That sound you hear is a boatload of weight off my shoulders - once the will is probated and my brother & I are made admins, then we can get the rest of the accounts settled and PAY OFF THE MORTGAGE.

The payment itself hasn’t been problematic, just the looming fear that the bank would decide to call the note before we had the funds to pay it off.

*whew*

Well, now I know why I was soooo scattered and spacy today (well, more than normal) - I was working up to a full blown sinus headache… But I managed to shake it off long enough to get everything done that needed to get done when I got home (GO ME!), including exercise, even though my arms aren’t happy with me for the 60 pushups over the past 2 days. Now I’m just waiting for the Advil to kick in.

Good news: life insurance came through today. Feels like things are finally moving along now, and maybe eventually we’ll be able to say the estate is settled. In a fit of wild and reckless behavior, I funded my Roth for the year and have set my 401k to the max now that I have some cash in the bank to offset the lowered paycheck.

alerted me to this exhibit that is at the National Gallery through June 12: Toulouse-Lautrec and Montmarte. Sooo totally going to find the time to get over there for that. Thanks again for the heads up!

Holy crap - upcoming exhibitions - Winslow Homer in the National Gallery of Art - runs from July 3, 2005 to January 22, 2006. Another absolutely must see.

I should try and stay awake long enough to get the clothes out of the dryer, but I don’t think I am going to make it… Well, at least it’s all dark stuff, shouldn’t show the wrinkles too badly…

I sure hope the dog & cats are enjoying my lunch that I left on the counter and aren’t eating too much of the plastic…

I am so completely off my game today, just can’t get into a groove to save my life. Took a while to get to sleep, the people next door were having a party, which is all fine and well, but after 11 on a weeknight, take it inside folks.

I did accomplish some things, the dog has his vet appointment made for Saturday morning and I’ve made my docs appointment - after finding a new one. Nothing like calling for an appointment and getting a message that basically the insurance companies have made it too expensive to keep practicing… Not totally shocked, as we’d talked about how expensive it had gotten to stay in business the last time I talked to him, but damn.

Now I just have to hunt down the name of the groomers so I can get Mox in for his summer ‘do.

Can someone PLEASE explain to me how Family Guy made it back on the air? It didn’t get any funnier since they canceled it the first time…

Additionally, I have got to get the dog his summer haircut, or the air conditioning bills are going to send me to the poorhouse. I’m comfy - he’s roasting.

Well that settles it. I have to get the house set for wireless

Somehow I have inadvertently locked so to someone’s wireless connection. So I can get my email, check LJ and be on IM down here in the living room.

Pretty cool. (And yes, technically I am stealing someone’s bandwidth…so add it to the list of reasons I’m going to hell.)

That and the fact that I am ready to convert to Catholicism solely from the description of Catholic heaven on the Simpsons this evening.

Everything that was on my to do list today is done. DONE!

In other news, apparently Dave Chappelle has told Time magazine that he isn’t crazy or on crack. The real question is - who the hell really cares?

Of course, then there is Newsweek, who reported in their May 9 issue that interrogators at Gitmo were desecrating the Koran, which resulted in demonstrations/riots in Afghanistan where 16 people were killed. They’ve said they “regret” that they got any part of the story wrong. Jesus, 16 people dead, I would hope you have a few regrets. WTF is up with journalism these days?

Ah, well, that’s why you’ve got to get as many sources as you can for your news I suppose…

I think that rather then dwell on all the crap in the world, I will go make some dinner & bask in the glory of an empty to-do list.

Yup, quite enthralled with the PDA right now. Does everything I need and then some. Has mp3 playback in it, so of course, the storage card is now half filled w/mp3’s. But it’s good to be able to crank up some tunes while I bop around the house getting things done. The internal speaker isn’t the best, but it’s certainly acceptable when you’re just cleaning up junk mail to music anyway. And I do so love crossing stuff off the to-do lists. :)

It has wireless & bluetooth in it, neither of which do me any good right now, but in theory once I have the wireless setup here, I should be able to use it somehow… Just have to figure out *how*.

Have had a nice productive morning, the living room now only looks like a small local post office threw up in it rather than a large regional processing center. Dishes are going, just need to get some laundry done so I have clean things to wear to work this week. Even *gasp* exercised.

OK, more to get done today, enough putzing around…