I’ve been up since 9, and should be getting some things done about the house, but I’ve got some motivational issues this morning, so I am on cup of coffee #3 instead.
33 days til Christmas and too late to schedule vacation and just leave town for it all. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas - I really do - it just seems to highlight everything that is lacking in my life.
When I was married, it was when my ex best displayed what an insensitive lout he was. He wouldn’t help with anything because it wasn’t “his idea”… Yes dear, it was all my idea to get incredibly ill the afternoon of Christmas Eve when my family is coming for dinner just so I can force you to vacuum, while I lay down and try & make the room stop spinning. (Yes, I should have thrown him out on his ass that day, but hindsight is always 20-20, isn’t it?)
I can’t say it’s been much better since then, just…different. Another year, nothing really to show for it. Can’t convince my family I honestly don’t want or need anything for Christmas - at least not anything money can buy. Trying desperately to keep more “stuff” from coming into the house if there isn’t at least one other thing going out at the same time. Have really, REALLY wanted to spend Christmas Eve at my place, alone, with just some peace, quiet, decorations, pretty music & a glass of wine, but no dice on that.
So, unfortunately, I am just not looking forward to the holidays again.
