CafeChatNoir

that I managed to spell ‘incompetence’ AND ‘arrogance’ wrong.

Now, do you SEE the kind of week it has been?????

Have been running amok in our company this week….

You know them -
arragance
apathy
indifference
incomptence

Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

I feel like I’m surfing in a Maytag…

(Or was it 15? 17?)

Today everyone has received a bunch of junk relating to MegaCorporation’s “new market positioning”.

It includes:
a calendar (going in the trash)
a memo (I’m looking for the mention of cover sheets on the TPS reports)
a “Market Positioning Quick Reference Guide” (printed on slicks, can’t even be recycled)
a “Market Positioning Overview” brochure (slicks again…)
and a coffee mug (taking that sucker HOME - it’s actually a good one)

In the brochure, there are instructions on “what to do now” (Though I pretty much already have my mind made up on that one)

Know the positioning statement, so you can describe it to others.
Trust me, you don’t want me doing this
Always refer to the organization as “MegaCorporation”, not by any of it’s former names.
I have enough trouble with the taxing authorities as it is, I think I’ll just stick with whatever name they KNOW
Make sure your voice mail has the organization name in it.
Because everyone loves a three minute long outgoing voice mail message
Make sure your email has the company tag line in it somewhere
Um, sure…
Make sure your business cards and letterhead have the right information on them
OK, that’s a fair one
Use a MegaCorporation lanyard for your name badge
You know the Nazis had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear. - Peter Gibbons, Office Space

Well, good to me at least.

Getting the new dishwasher on Saturday. The Discover card that was used for payment will be paid in full. Clean dishes and no debt incurred. Score!!

I decided to bite the bullet and max out my 401K. Not sure I can really afford it, but really - can’t afford NOT to. Can’t be doing this work thing forever.

Should I get shitcanned here (still don’t know when *our* special day is), I’ve got enough stashed away to last at least 4 months. Then I’d have to find *something*… Want fries with that?

I have spent $583 **less** this January than last January. And that’s including the dishwasher. (WTF did I piss that much cash away on last January?)

Once I work another 23.25 hours, I am eligible for some holiday pay. Granted, we don’t have any holidays in the near future, but it’s something.

123.25 hours and I get a 40 hour longevity bonus - towards the end of February.

Of course, both of those are dependent on not getting tossed out, but it’s something to look forward to.

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?….

Why replacing the little car isn’t such a bad idea…

The Ford Explorer that almost took me out in the middle of the garage this morning…

Less than 13,000 miles to go…

High Court Rejects Barbie ‘Bimbo’ Case

I’m glad to see the Supreme Court turned down the request. I am a little appalled at the resources absolutely wasted over this case.

Copyright infringement is a serious issue. However, this was parody, and definitely protected under the First Amendment. REALLY OBVIOUS parody at that.

Anyone who really thinks that “the song was an advertisement for the doll or part of Mattel’s official line of Barbie products.” has strayed far into the moron zone, and frankly, even 100 or so years ago, these type of people were eaten by bears and taken out of the equation completely.

Where’s a hungry bear when you need one?

Set out to leave the first vapor trail in the blue-sky scenario.

Peter Gibbons: When you come in on Monday and you’re not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, “Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?”
Lawrence: Shit, no man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.

Office Space

Went out this morning, plunked down my Discover card and my new dishwasher will be installed Saturday after next.

I don’t make real big purchases like this (well, I will be this year, since my kitchen appliances are all on the downhill side of life), and that set off all sorts of alarm bells at Discover’s fraud department.

Good.

They called my cell to verify the charge.

Good.

Unfortunately, my cell was in my car and I was busy having my Discover card declined at Petco.

Oops.

Fortunately, I knew exactly what was going on, checked my cell when I got into the car and *bingo*, a voice mail from Discover.

Called them back, all is well, and I am glad they are keeping an eye out for these things.

And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and its not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire.

Milton Waddams, Office Space

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation.

Now I am really starting to think that it *wasn’t* a compliment when someone told me the other day, “Wow, you’re the only one around here that is just totally keeping their cool.” Apparently, that is because I am clueless…

The traffic in this town just drives me nuts sometimes.

Where else can you be SO wrong SO often, and still be employed????

(Just looked out to see a fair amount of snow has fallen in the past couple of hours…)

Now you’re just messing with my head. I re-read that post and everything IS spelled right…

There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’. But then there’s no ‘I’ in ‘useless smug colleague’, either. And there’s four in ‘platitude-quoting idiot’. Go figure.

And, again, no ‘I’ in ‘team’, but there is ME, so get the hell out of my way

WWII Cartoonist Bill Mauldin Dies at 81

Not that I am counting or anything today.

OK, I will admit to being especially chatty today given that I am pretty much to the point of crawling the walls at the office.

Waiting on Sideshow Bob to bless my being granted access to the new accounting system and who knows how long *that* will take. He’s just a bit of a control freak.

Been doing some little things today, but it’s more of a hurry up and wait kind of day. You can only check your email so many times…

Not a bad day, just a quiet and spectacularly boring day. I’ve got things I need to do at home, which makes it even worse, since I can’t exactly just up and leave. (Well, I suppose I could, but it probably wouldn’t be a very good idea.)

Going a tad nuts this afternoon….

Polish President Denies Affair with Pop Star
I don’t know why it sounded funny, it just did…

U.S. Seeks Cash to Teach Healthier Lifestyle
I thought that general healthy lifestyles were fairly common knowledge. Eat decently, exercise, avoid drugs. Maybe not.

Shooting of “The West Wing” to Block Part of Constitution Ave.
Hey,, that restraining order expire? Maybe you can get a glimpse of Ms Channing…

Love, Not Diet, Key to Weight Loss, Report Says
I read it. They’re confusing love and lust.

Obesity suit against McDonald’s Dismissed
Again, I think this is one of those where people generally know that eating at McDonald’s on a daily basis is a bad idea. Happy to see it get thrown out.

Gawd, it’s a slow day here at work.

So, I’ve been making some lists of things that need to be fixed/replaced around the house.

Anyone got an extra 25K just sitting around that they don’t need? :)

Apparently in the Lawson accounting system, 700 pages of errors in a posting routine is a lot.

Occurs to me that I’ve been a touch negligent in keeping this sucker somewhat current.

Still working at the same place.

Introduced what would have been an infinite loop into the accounting system today, had it not been for the fact that the system just gets real tired after a while and totally craps out. Boss said that “killer loops are against the rules at ‘MegaTelecomYouDefinitelyKnow’” and if I did it again, it would either be “grounds for termination, or a cross country trip in a small car going 15 mph below the speed limit with Fire Marshall Bill” (Fire Marshall Bill being an, um, well, interesting coworker) It quickly disintegrated into name calling and making of faces and generally juvenile behavior. We get on exceptionally well. (Still can’t figure out how I broke the system)

Cool music via ISP…

Dishwasher died this evening. Off to Betty’s Maytag this weekend to find a new one. Paper plates until installation.

Went to a gun show this past weekend. Bought office furniture.

Found a place that will be having obedience and agility classes - good for the little loopy black dog. http://oldetownepetresort.com They claim they can teach her the “no chasing cats” command.

Made decision to start seriously looking for another car when mine hits 100K. It’s at ~86K now. Knowing that the end is in sight, I can put up with the one window that doesn’t work real well and the fact that as fun as the car is, it’s just too dang small.

The folks over at First USA Visa are apparently doing crack on the job - logged into that account this morning to find another credit limit increase. 236% increase since March of 2001. I could buy a car with that one card. I won’t, but I could.

Mailwasher - excellent anti-spam program, and free to boot.

Still staying up too late and getting to work late. (Not bad late, just not early late)

Other than that, all quiet on the western front.